Moving Forward

Its easier to stay here

To stay in this state of suspension

Days drifting by

Thoughts awhirl

To say “I’m figuring it out”

“I don’t know what I want to do”

“I’m hurt, and bruised and need time”

“I have to heal, to think, to feel again”

By doing so, I’m stuck, stuck in my thoughts, stuck in the moment

Its time. 

Time to take a significant step. 

Not the baby steps of the past months

Not the distracted steps of cleaning, or other every day incidentals

Big…    Scary…    Soul Stretching   steps

So how do I do that?

Treat it just as I would any engineering project,

steps that include intellectual along with psychological and emotional

Break it down

Create a roadmap

Formulate sprints

And in 2 weeks I won’t be here, in this concrete-shoed spot

I’ll be in a new place

On a new path

Freed from the continuous circle of uncertainty

I’m strong enough now

I’ve figured it out

I’ve healed

        I’m feeling again

I’m ready to move forward,

Picking up one foot at a time

Taking that step, and the next and the next

One… at… a… time….

21

21 years, nearly 8000 days, 200,000 hours, 11 million minutes

It’s a fictitious milestone,

set by others to mark the coming-of-age in America. 

It is celebrated with fun and drinks and friends.

Baba and I have seen our daughter grow into a strong, beautiful, smart woman

not only at this specific point in time, but through the years. 

When she managed the stress of Freshman year and Baba’s cancer

by opening up to new ideas and new resources;

incorporating therapy and nutrition,

friendship and exercise.

When she asked for help from professors and tutors

and kept trying test after test after test.

Moving alone to a new town,

starting a new job,

meeting new friends,

taking care of car repairs and flooding toilets

completed the transition from girl to woman.

A woman we love with all our hearts and souls-

Her humor

Her perspective and common sense

Her values

Her drive

Her very being

So Happy 21^st Birthday our darling daughter

Here’s to the woman you are

And the woman you continue to become.